How To Wake Up Tired

November 23, 2015

If you're sick of waking up refreshed and relaxed every morning, and growing bored of all the energy and enthusiasm you have for the day ahead, especially in the lead-up to Christmas, allow me to provide some sure-fire ways to wake up tired.

Go To Bed Late (Even When You're Tired)

SO easy to do. I mean, you want your downtime, right? Why not binge-watch some episodes of Ladies of London after everyone else in the house has gone to bed? Stay up and read. Your Kindle says you're 73% complete? Might as well finish the book now, you've come this far. And of course, if you really want to minimise that time between falling asleep and waking up, simply access the internet! Repeat for as many days in a row as possible.

Maximise Screen Time Before Bed

Staring at a bright, backlit screen for hours is a great way to stimulate your brain just before bed so it buzzes and snaps away churning out important thoughts as you lie in bed, avoiding sleep. Multi-screen whenever you can. Have your phone next to you in bed and keep looking at it in the dark. Your primary school friend just liked your photo! Hurray! Now go to their profile and stalk their entire photo collection.

Have children

If you're really committed to the idea of sleep deprivation, consider having one or more children. Borrow some if you're not convinced that tiredness is where you want to be, long-term. This is a multi-pronged approach, ensuring that your days are full and your nights are disrupted. 

Pack Loads Into Your Day / Night

Whether it's chasing toddlers, pumping out productivity in your workplace or attending every social activity possible, you should do as much as you can, wherever and whenever you can. Say yes to everything. Volunteer to assist. Schedule yourself such that you go from one event directly to the other, necessitating lots of rushing. Enlist family members to assist by scheduling additional activities and events. Downtime is for suckers!

Subsist Entirely on Stimulants

Caffeine. Taurine. Guarana. Whatever your poison, increase your intake to maintain that level of awakeness. Any solids should be greasy, fatty and fast. Your body needs to work extra hard to reach an optimal level of exhaustion so needs the right fuel to be able to do it. Sugar is your friend.

Accept no Help


At no point should you enlist or accept any help from any person, be it family member, co-worker or friend. This is YOUR tiredness journey and you are on your own. You can do it! 

Don't be Selfish


Any kind of self care is OUT. Meditation? No way. Yoga? Forget it. Dentist appointment? What, you're just going to lie back in that comfy chair, all relaxing and whatever?? Are you even TRYING to be tired?


I hope this helps get you out of your restful and relaxed habits and into a world of sketchy tiredness, where you can feel free to lose focus, productivity and your temper. 

Have you got any tiredness tips to add?

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