This Is Why I Can't Sleep

September 02, 2016

I've always envied those people who climb into bed and nod off within minutes (*cough* husband *cough*) because falling asleep has always been an issue for me. If I don't latch onto those first few moments of relaxation and the wheels start ticking too much, it's all over for anywhere up to two hours.

Here's a little taste of what goes through my mind of a night time . . .

Me: [gets into toasty warm bed] "Ahhhh, that's nice."

[Fuzzy sleep feelings begin]

Brain: "So. What do you think you'll wear tomorrow?"

Me: "I don't know, I'll work it out in the morning."

Brain: "No, you need to think about it now or else you'll be mucking around too long and end up being late."

Me: "It's okay, I've got some fail-safe outfits."

Brain: "Fail-safes are boring. How are you meant to Instagram something you've worn a million times already?"

Me: "I dunno, I'll change my shoes or something. Now, quiet."

Brain: "You've got that new dress, you should wear that."

Me: "Okay I will. Now, shush."

Brain: "But with a belt."

Me: "Alright, whatever. It's sorted."


Brain: "OMG, I have the best idea for a blog post. You need to write the whole thing mentally in your head now or else you'll forget all these great lines."

Me: "No - I'll think about it tomorr - okay, you're right, that's brilliant."

[thinks about blog post]

Me: "Right, that's enough now, I'll finalise it tomorrow but it's locked in there, I've got it."

Brain: "Okay."


Brain: "Did you say you decided on an outfit for tomorrow?"

Me: "Yes. All sorted."

Brain: "Oh yeah, that's right."

Body: "Hey. Can we move? I'm sick of lying this way."

Me: "Yeah, alright."

[rolls over]


Me: "That really hurt."

Body: "Right?? You need physio."

Me: "Maybe."

Body: "Seriously, get me some physio."

Me: "Alright, just let me see how pilates goes tomorrow."

Body: "I like pilates."

Me: "Me too."

Body: "Then why do you keep blowing it off for lunches?"

Me: "Shut your face."

Body: "Speaking of which, our clothes are a bit tight lately and I'm pretty sure I saw a double chin in the - "

Me: "I said, shut your face."


Brain: "Hey remember when you had that argument ten years ago? Here's what you should have said."

Me: "Oh thanks for that."

Brain: "Better late than never. Why don't you practice saying it?"

Me: "No."

Brain: "Go on."

Me: "No! Look, just shut up, will you?"

Brain: "If you want me to shut up, maybe you should play the meditation app on your phone."

Body: "Don't do it! It's a trap to make you look at your notifications! Before you know it you'll be watching Carpool Karaoke on YouTube until midnight."

Me: "YEAH, you can't trick me!"

Brain: "Ah, you got me." [pause] "By the by, are you sure your alarm is set?"

Me: "Yes."

Brain: "It wasn't on Monday."

Me: "I know, I don't know what happened there."

Brain: "I'd check if I were you"

Me: "No. No phone, no nothing. Now, everyone be quiet."


Body: "I need to go to the toilet".

Me: "SERIOUSLY? We just went before bed!"

Body: "I know but I really need to go."

Me: "Can't you just - "

Body: "Nope."

[shuffles off to the toilet]

[gets back into bed]

[fuzzy sleepy feelings]



Do you have internal monologues that keep you awake at night?

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